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And then he sat. And all was right with Inferno!
Up above, things werent going so well. The endless celebrations,
dancing, marauding, and parades had created quite a mess. Who
knew that by banishing the Overlord the gods might actually
have to come up with their own rules? But, as gods do, they
discovered a way to outsource the work.
The gods decreed that the Underlord would serve a purpose
trapped in Inferno. He became a collector of unwanted and
forgotten rubbish from above. Lost souls, buried treasure, even
single socks became his domain. But, a loophole in the gods’
rules (such amateurs!) allowed the Underlord to perpetuate evil
and mischief, these things also being unwanted.
In time, when parents told their children to be good, they
would threaten “The Underlord will get you if you don’t do as
you’re told!”. Hearing these threats echo down from above gave
the Underlord a hearty chuckle. From his throne, he was still
enforcing rules, and quashing fun.
And all was right with the world! … or well, delightfully evil.
At least, until Lord Fang seized Arcadia.
Suddenly, all the Underlord heard from above was ‘Lord Fang
will get you if you don’t eat your broccoli!’ and ‘Lord Fang will
get you if you stay up past bedtime!’ (Which might actually
be true, Lord Fang being a vampire and all). On Halloween,
sales of vampire costumes completely outstripped demon cos-
tumes. Soon, no one worried about demons. They feared only
Minotaurs and Orcs and Vampires.
And the Underlord couldn’t leave his throne to end these she-
nanigans. If he stood up, someone else could sit down and take
over. That was the rule.
He needn’t have worried. It took some time, but with Lord
Fang’s defeat, Inferno celebrated. Finally, the Underlord would
once again make children go to bed and eat their veggies!
But it didn’t go as expected.
The vampires siege remained fresh in everyone’s minds. No one
was paying attention to demons. Sales plummeted, stock prices
crashed, and rules violations began to rise.
So, the Underlord hired an image consultant and some mar-
keting types. Well, he actually kidnapped them and threatened
them with eternal damnation, but the results were the same.
They told him to shift the paradigm, leverage the synergy, and
disrupt the evil-doing industry at a fundamental level. This non-
sense bafed the Underlord as few things do, so they broke it
down for him: “Face-time.” If he personally visited the surface
and riled things up, he’d get all the press he needed.
The Underlord admitted he’d like to stand. It had been 6,666
years since he’d been banished, and his legs were starting to
cramp. Also, hed heard whispers that the demons had a new
nickname for him (Rock Bottom), and he was determined to
stamp that out once and for all (and one can only really stamp
if one is standing).
And yet, the rules were inviolate. If he stood, the longest run-
ning game of musical chairs in the universe would come to an
end. Any demon lurking nearby would seize the opportunity to
sit and make some rules of their own.
He pondered and thought and pondered some more, until a
malicious grin spread over his face. Arcadias Cycle of Day and
Night had created endless trouble, but if that Cycle existed in
Inferno, demons could nally have a bedtime! And if the de-
mons were all asleep, he could, even if just for a moment, get
up from the throne.
The Underlord smiled at the irony. Arcadia had caused his fall,
but now, it could allow him to rise.
And all was right with—oh, who are we kidding? All was indis-
putably evil!
Now, the deeds are done. The ritual has been cast. The Angels
who secretly guarded Arcadia have been captured, and the city
dragged down into Inferno. Bedtime fast approaches for all the
demons and Arcadians, as soon as the Angels have been turned
by the ever so tempting powers of Damnation!
The rules shall triumph!
Fun shall perish!
And may Heaven help us all, for the Underlord shall reign
supreme!
Rulebook • Inferno
Inferno • Rulebook
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